The unbalanced love and forbidden love

2009-11-17T03:41:00.000-08:00

What if love develop overtime
what if the past one have step back
are they just finding you as a float that she do not sink?

What if love is just a crush?
what if love you dim is just an infatuation
a sudden passion you had for someone

Is that love or is that infatuation
or is that what people dim as love?

Have my story goes on
will it stop
Will you ever step back and think what i have been through
the tears that i have shed

Will you look at me and think what am i really thinking
Do you believe that feelings develop?
Or do feeling just stays and hang on?
Will feeling hang on?

Why does people always get touched when someone treat him/her good
and then they dim to be loved and tend to love back
what is love?
is it complicated?

do you think so?
have you ever wonder
what my hearts ask?
what my heart yearn
yes
i have been carefree these passing months
i love the life i have
yet

sometimes it just felt that something is missing somewhere
sometimes it's filled
sometimes it empty
filled with passion
dreams
hope
that's the only things that i want i think
YET
it's empty on the deepest mark of the heart
somewhere it goes wrong
somehow it doesn't seems right

pain
yet tolerated
fuck
life suck
love suck

Passion and dreams are those that i live on for
maybe someone did filled up some space in my heart
who?
how?
why?
i don't know and do not seek to know
even i jolly well know

suspress each and every feeling NOT to love ANYONE is my only thing
i will do ANYTHING to stop myself from being hurt

Sometimes i just have some thought i would like to share
yet i felt it's redundant
redundant to love someone
not needed
unwanted
it hurts to love and hurts to be loved
get what i mean?

i finally realise how cruel human is
i realise cause i have see through lots
throughout the years
yet im fucking stupid

..

2009-09-07T11:32:00.000-07:00

What if the heart say yes, but the mind says no?
What if you are someone whom can't love?
knowing that you would hurt the person you love?

Sometimes people thought that being love by so many people is a good thing
but no...

What if the person you love,
already have the someone that is in your place?
What if the someone in your place is your friend?

What will you do?
How would you handle?
What if the someone you love,
did not tell you how the she feels?

What if, you think you could not bring happiness to the someone?

2009-08-18T12:34:00.000-07:00

I told myself not to
Yet if the person you love isn't me
there is nothing i can do
except loving you deep inside
never even thought of telling you

I realise love cannot be force
when someone don't love you means they don't
and feelings don't always developed

I guess i don't have the chance to be loved by you
at least, let me love you

I don't wish to tell you
nor tell anyone anymore
because,
i just want to keep inside
deep inside

No one knows
only me
to be love is fortunate
loving someone isn't a bad thing
at least you know your existence is to love that someone

why is my love forbidden and unbalanced

Remember on that rainy day
You held my hand
so innocent
and pure

the both of us talk
like never ending happiness
till then
i realise
our gap

An invisible gap that surface
at that point of time

that makes me sad...
But nevertheless
i maintain my smile, my laughter
somehow i hope you wouldn't and never know..

How deep am i lovin` you

2009-07-29T14:06:00.000-07:00

What can i do now
except to see her happy
she should be happier now
this is all i could give,
my blessing

I live day by day
Suppress all the feeling deep inside
only to stop myself from the pain inside

Have i done it well
i always asked myself
am i showing too much?
I think not

Is it time to go?
Have you wonder sometimes is it time to give up?
better then waiting for something that will never happened?

My forbbiden love...

有没有想过以后
我们的结局已订了
是否该放手
还是等下去
我的痛还能比谁来的痛

我的爱~
以不回来
我的痛，你是不明白
我的泪, 像那片大海
我的心，痛的蹿不过来
我的伤，你可还明白
会不会，回到重来

我的爱一再不回来
只能说，拜拜my love
(copy righted by Pengz)

Lyrics i have written for you
the meaning of my love and the pain I'm suffering
...To be continued Part 4

2009-07-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

I didn't knew what am i feeling till the feeling gets stronger
and yearning to see her, to contact her gets stronger
day by day, i seems to lost all my focus on important things
all i can think about is nothing but her.

Finally, we planned to meet up
Remember it was somewhere during my prelimary exams
The next day i am having English prelim yet i spend my whole night till morning 6am with her
doing nothing but chatting away

I do not know how it starts or how it ends
we just have plenty of things to talk, to do in the middle of the night
Well as usual i slept during exam
Hack care, as long as i get to see her
i will be contended

days past, months past
I can comfirm my feelings
that i have fallen in love with Yumiko
How i longed to confess
but i know i can't
because i am still attach with Yuki

My girlfriend whom we have been together for 1 years plus
I long to break up the relationship
but, can't Yuki would threaten to commit suicide
I wouldn't want to hurt her too,
she was still the one that i once loved
so i don't bare to hurt her too.

Pondering with thoughts i still go for it,
that is to tell Yumiko how i feel
I don't know what my answer will be
but just hope for the best and prepare for the worst

she answer my question "How do you feel about me"
few days later
She did have feelings for me

This made me want to end my past relationship
Firm about it,
but yet the threatening never stops
so this on and off thing last for 2 and a half years

Things changes drastically during this 2 and a half years
I went Ngee Ann polytechnic
while Yuki quit school and went for a full time job
but for this 2 and a half years we never stopped contacting

Though sometimes we did stop
but not for long
In the middle i remembered
Yumiko told me she did for have feeling for me already

At that point of time,
i typically broke down
tears filled my eyes
nothing can stop the tears from flowing
just like the tap which flows out unlimited water
this is how i felt at that time.

But i can't be selfish,
i know it's been so long and nothing have happen
we are still on square one
not even move a single step forward

I tried to let go,
but i fall even harder
Though first love is the hardest to forget but
in the middle when you really met someone you love
the 3rd or 4th or even 5th person that you love may be the hardest to let go

I tried to forget,
i tried to let go
i even tried to love again
but to no avail

Can't means can't
no point forcing
i still loves Yumiko

Finally Yuki came to her senses
let me go
but it's too late
everything have been too late
didn't cherish when i have
too late to regret

Yumiko has got her special someone...
....To be continue Part 3

Forbbiden Love

2009-07-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

What is "Forbbiden love"?
Something that restrict you to start the love?
How does your heart feel, when you yearn for something yet you could not get it?

And how does it feel, when someone love you
yet you could not accept their love even you love them?
How does it feel?

This is my story, my life, my profile.
I'm pengz
16 going 17, currently working part time at starbucks

Somewhere deep in my heart there are tonnes of unspoken feeling
there is this special someone that i know through friends
somehow, we got along kinda well through messaging

Just like normal people we share our problems
we talk cock, sing song play Mahjong

Share feeling,
the more we share somehow it developed feelings
at first i did not know just felt it's a must to message her
at least, one message i can be contended

but the feeling got stronger that i would missed her so much
oh ya, after starting my story i haven't introduce her.
Her name was Yumiko.
she was older then me studying same school, but retain
Why do i have that weird feeling?
...To be continue Part2

Summary of Forbbiden Love

2009-07-26T10:40:00.001-07:00

Would you believe that,
there is always that special someone that is you will eventually find one day?

Do you believe in fate?
That when you once lost contact,
with the person and you 2 would be a total strangers?
or
would you believe in something like destiny?
whereby on one fine day,
unknowingly a stranger message you
and you 2 become friend?

Isn't all these irony?
what if one day it happened to you?
How would you react?
And what kind of things would happen ahead?
Would that be your fate/destiny?

...To be continue Part 1